Do Manners Matter in 2015?
Reprinted with permission from the Georgia Mountain Laurel magazine
By Page Rhoad | President, Foxglove Cotillion
Originally published in the October 2015 issue of the Georgia Mountain Laurel
My answer is yes and no, which may be a surprising answer from someone who teaches manners and etiquette. I believe manners are a framework rather than a centerpiece.
Manners do not equate character. They do not indicate if someone tells the truth, is kind, is a great friend, is a hard worker, or if they are competent.
Good manners are a framework that help create a good first impression. For example, thoughtful introductions dispel awkwardness and create common ground for conversation and new friendships. Manners often set you apart by giving you self-confidence and the ability to put others at ease. Simply standing when someone you don’t know enters a room communicates respect and civility. A solid handshake with good posture, a smile, and a polite comment, gives the impression of confidence. Even listening well, and actually focusing on the person speaking, will earn you a reputation as a good conversationalist, much faster than the person who talks constantly.
Manners can also set you apart by giving you confidence in uncomfortable situations. Knowing which fork and knife to use rarely matters within your own circle of family and friends. But, in a job interview at a nice restaurant, those details can mean the difference in whether you’re hired, or trusted with the responsibility of representing a company to its clients.
Over the years, I have asked hundreds of children to name a few common table manners. The top two are always “put your napkin in your lap” and “chew with your mouth closed.” My next question to the children is always, “Why are these important?” And you can just imagine their descriptions of what could fall in your lap without a napkin, or the visions of sitting across from someone who chews with their mouth open. The children get it! They understand that there are reasons behind manners.
Our tagline for Foxglove Cotillion is, “Social Skills for the Social Media Generation.” We know that students across the world communicate with the swipe of a smart phone. They Tweet, FaceTime, Skype, SnapChat, Instagram, Facebook and email. And these social media skills are essential. The devices and applications are becoming easier to use to achieve more complicated outcomes.
That said, it is still critically important to integrate soft skills in this digital arena. Communication without face-to-face interaction can be fast and convenient. It can also lead to misunderstandings. Without hearing a tone-of-voice, or seeing facial expressions, it’s difficult to measure the intentions of the sender. Learning to improve your communication style in person, and your tone via social media, gives you an advantage.
We want this social media generation to communicate effectively in the digital world. We also want them to make eye contact and carry on polite conversations with good posture when they are face-to-face. We want them to swipe their smart phone and access information immediately. We also want them to interview well for scholarships, and internships, and colleges. Ultimately, the person who ignores social skills, has set aside the truly important human values of social interaction.
Do manners matter? If you are assessing someone’s character, not at all. If you are choosing a friend, not at all.
Manners are not a weapon, they are a tool.
And they do make a difference in how you are perceived when someone does not know you. They can give you confidence in unfamiliar situations and afford you the ability to put others at ease.
Foxglove Cotillion offers 8 week etiquette courses in Rabun County, taught once a week as an after-school (or weekend) activity for 5th through 8th grade students in the fall and in the spring. Classes are limited to 15 boys and 15 girls. Pre-Register online to request an invitation by signing up for our Waiting List. We issue invitations in the order we receive requests. For more information on classes, visit our mobile-friendly website www.FoxgloveCotillion.com
